Screw This Traffic
by Bloodtoast
Summary: An exageration parody of a few Dasey fanfics I've read. No offense to anyone. The Venturi/McDonald household are going on vacation! Lake Ontario sludge glues Lizzy and Edwin together, and Derek has trouble saying I love you to Casey. What else can happen?


**Screw This Traffic**

The Venturi/MacDonald household was going on vacation. They jumped into The Prince.

"I just sat in some sticky, gooey crud!" Casey yells as she plops down in the back seat. Marti sits next to her, clutching five bald Barbies. Beside Marti is Derek, and in front of them is Lizzy and Edwin. Than it's George and Nora.

"Heheh, remnents of my first night in the Prince," George exclaims as he revvs the engine. No one notices it, but the mufflers falls off as they chug away. Black smoke rises from the Prince's fenders as they "sail" (or snail) their way to the highway.

"Oh, Georgie, that's so funny," Nora laughs.

"Dad, that's gross, even for my standards," Derek exclaims, batting his eyelashes at Casey. Casey blushed, than turned away. She felt fluttery caterpillars in her stomach, for some reason, and only now she noticed them.

"I don't feel so good," Marti suddenly yells. Barf flies from her mouth and splatters on Casey's outfit. Derek starts laughing, but Marti soon made sure his mouth was full of her barf. She than moved her head so it shot from her mouth and splattered on the windshield.

"It's so beautiful!" Lizzy exclaims, pointing to the rainbow waterfall of chunky vomit.

"Georgie! What just happened!" Nora screams, smacking her head on the windshield.

"I don't know!" he frantically pressed the "window wiper" button. "It... it's some sort of alien sludge! It won't come off!"

"I'm scared," Nora whispers.

"Edwin... hold me," Lizzy says slowly. Edwin wraps his arms around Lizzy and they cry for some reason.

Casey looks over to Derek and frowns. Derek gives her an odd, "Casey I have something I've been hiding from you all along and I want to tell you now" look.

Suddenly, because George couldn't see where he was going, they drove into Lake Ontario (which is uh... geographically uncorrect, as Lake Ontario is 2 hours away... o0) and the vomit washed off.

"Ah... much better..." George smiles and hits the "windshield wiper" button as he reverses out of the dirty, ugly, disgusting lake.

"Well, the Prince got bathed," Nora exclaims, laughing. Nobody laughed with her so she pulled out a gun and said, "**laugh right now or I'll blow your heads off**." Everyone laughed.

Edwin and Lizzy try pulling away, but realize the sludge from Lake Ontario got them glued together. They shrug and started making out.

"Smerek, Smerek, I wanna do that, too!" Marti yells, pointing at them. Derek smiles and leans toward Marti, who puckered her lips and awaited her blood-borther's kiss. Instead, he grabbed Marti and tossed her out the window.

"That's for years of humiliation and annoyance, bi-otch!" Derek yells to Marti.

"Oh, God, _Derek_," Casey sighs, waving her hand by her face, "They way you threw your sister out the window, probably giving her a concussion and permanent stupid-ness -- although she had that before-... it turns me on... Derek..." Casey smiles at him.

"Casey, I have to tell you something. I lov--" Suddenly, George slammed on the breaks and Derek, since he's not wearing a seatbelt, slams his head into the back of Edwin's chair, breaking his nose.

"Did something happen?" Edwin asks against Lizzy's lips.

"What, other than London's pop-out-of-nowhere traffic? Nothing. Now kiss me, babe." Edwin does so.

George taps his fingers impatiently on the steeringwheel.

"Screw this traffic!" he suddenly yells and hits the big RED button in the middle of the steeringwheel. The Prince suddenly shoots into the air.

"Casey, as we fly over the traffic of London, I shall suddenly become poetic and un-Derek like because this is the true me and well... I only made-out with other girls because of my insecurity that I love--" Derek was interupted by George slamming on the breaks, causing him to hit his head on the back of Edwin's chair and break his jaw.

"Air Traffic!" Nora exclaims.

"Did something happen?" Edwin asks.

"Other than London's pop-out-of-nowhere air traffic? Nothing. Now kiss me, babe." Lizzy presses her lips on Edwin's, but he pulls away.

"Wait. We're not actually stuck together!" he explains, releasing his arms from Lizzy. "We weren't glued together by Lake Ontario's sludge, but the glue of love between us. I love you, Lizzy McDonald." He says, forming an air-heart with his fingers.

"Edwin, I love you! It's so obvious that the power of love has bond us together!" Edwin and Lizzy resume making-out as they slowly take their clothes off.

"Let's have babies," Lizzy exclaims.

"And name them Edwin Jr. even if their girls."

"Oh, Edwin...!" Lizzy squeals.

Derek and Casey watch their younger sibs, before Derek turns back to Casey.

"Casey, what I've been trying to say is..." suddenly a air-automobile slams into the side of The Prince, causing Derek to lunge forward and smack his lips against Casey's. As they kissed, and Edwin and Lizzy made love, they didn't know the Prince was quickly falling back to the ground.

"Hold on, I'll take car of this," Nora exclaims, grabbing her gun and jumping out the window after the rogue car that crashed into the Prince. She did somersaults and such, shot the guy, than fell to the ground, landing ontop of Marti and dying.

"My hero!" George cries, wiping the tears from his cheek (as his beloved Prince got hurt).

**Meanwhile... **Casey kissed Derek back sensually, not knowing what powers overcame her. She traced her hand from Derek's temple to his broken jaw and smiles a bloody smile (as Derek's bloody nose got her... bloody).

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you--" Derek was interupted by Edwin's boxers flying onto his head. He shook them off and smiled at Casey. "I love you, Casey MacDonald."

Casey looked appalled. "It's _Mc_Donald you jerk!" she screams, looking for something to hit Derek with. Since there was nothing around, she ripped off the car door and threw it at him.

Derek fell out the window and Casey jumped after him, seeing the love of her life was about to die. She grabbed him and used her textbooks as cushions, so they both survived the landing.

"Wow, since everyone else is jumping out of the car, I'll do it too since I want to fit in and I'm insecure that I may not be as cool as my kids." George jumps out of the flying Prince, and with a twist in fate, lands in Abby's arms.

"George..."

"Abby... Nora died." They began making out.

Edwin and Lizzy look up from doing the dirty and smile. "Hey, since George is back with your mom... and my mom's dead... that means we're not siblings anymore!"

"Yay!" They both continued to make out and make love, but the Prince crashed into a huge British Columbian tree (as that was where they are at this point) and they had to stop. Edwin's hotdog was lossed in the accident, but luckily he impregnated Lizzy so they could have kids.

**Meanwhile... **Derek and Casey come to the same realization as Lizzy and Edwin and began making out hardcore.

"Yay for not being siblings anymore!"

"Hurrah!" Lizzy, Edwin, Derek and Casey run away from George and Abby and move to England, where they start anew without any annoying Emily's, Max's, Sally's and such to bother them. (Though Sam, Ralph and Sheldon visit often.)

_**D-Rock**_ becomes a famous band and hit it off. Derek becomes a british celebrity, and he and Casey become rich. Casey becomes Casey Venturi (rolls off the tongue, don't it?) and they have two kids, Casey Jr. and Derek Jr.

Lizzy and Edwin move out of the Venturi's house when they turn 18 and live on their own in a quiet suburban community. Both become detectives and solve the murder of Nora MacDonald and Marti Venturi. Lizzy becomes Lizzy Venturi and is not only Casey's blood sister, but sister-in-law, too. (More screwed up than a simple Dasey? You decide.)

Marti Venturi is revived by Dr. Frank n' Weiner and becomes a Shneider's sausage sales person. She lives to the age of 30, where she dies of excess intake of sausage fumes.

Nora is revived by Dr. Frank n' Weiner as well, but since she was too old to begin with, he married her off to someone (since she lost her memory of George) and earned $5,000 by doing so. Don't worry. Nora led a happier life with her husband, Sara, because she didn't have kids.

As for George. He suffered from memory-loss shortly after the crash, forgetting about his life with Nora. He remarried Abby and moved to Spain, where he had three kids who were named off "the top of his tongue" and "just came to mind": Derek, Casey and Lizwin.

**The End**

_30 years after the accident..._

George examines a watermellon in a store and goes to pick it up. Someone else does, too. He looks up.

"Oh... hello..."

"Hi, I'm Nora..." They grin at each other.


End file.
